(Tokyo, Japan) Crasher Squirrel confirmed in a press conference today the claim of Miyuki Hatoyama, wife of presumptive Japan Prime Minister, Yukio “the Bird” Hatoyama, that she had ridden a UFO to Venus.
Crasher Squirrel said, “the UFO was bright and shiny, but the seats were a little small for my big gaijin squirrel ass. And the Venusians smelled like natto.”
When questioned about his alleged involvement in a love triangle with the First Couple of Japan, Crasher Squirrel commented, “hey, man, it was the 60s, the summer of love, you know, free love.”
National Police Agency spokesman, Omaru Omawari, said in a statement faxed to the press, “we have solid information that the UFO was purchased from a gaijin, so we are now piss-testing all gaijin in Roppongi for Venusian genetics.”
McDonalds Japan spokes-gaijin, Mr. James, blurted deliriously, 「トンデイルビッグマックミタイネ！スゴイネ！」。
In other news, Noripi’s husband confessed, “yes, yes, yes, I scream, you scream, we all scream for ice cream!”
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