Japanese appliance manufacturer, Panasanyo, has launched a line of vacuum cleaners for women with three arms (see photo above, right side).
“In an age of diversifying consumer needs, we’ve decided to target the oxymoronic niche-niches, namely women with three arms,” said Panasanyo spokeswoman, Perky Oppai, “plus, three is a lucky number because it’s an Illuminati prime.”
Consumer advocates and xenophobes are not amused, however, “it’s clearly the same made-in-china-thus-might-explode cheap vacuum cleaner they launched last year for left-handed women. They should be offering made-in-Japan-still-might-explode-but-we’ll-cover-it-up products like everyone else.”
Other manufacturers are scrambling to address other niche-niche markets, including Sagami Rubber, the leading Japanese condom maker.
National Police Agency spokesperson, Omaru Omawari, said, “We will stop and question anybody with three arms and, if they give us any shit, we’ll throw their ass in jail for 23 days. That so-called ‘extension’ looks like it could be used to smoke crystal meth. We are investigating the connection to Sakai Noriko, so we can keep the wool pulled over people’s eyes about all those other unsolved crimes.”
Outgoing Prime Minister Taro “Dick” Aso said, “What? No questions about losing my last erection?”
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In other news, Ichiro Suzuki set a Major League Baseball record for nine consecutive seasons with 200 hits but the Seattle Mariners are still not in contention.
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