Ponyo, the little fish girl with the incredibly irritating theme song, revealed today that she had an affair with Tiger Woods for 31 months.
“Tiger said we’d be together forever,” cried Ponyo, “but he dumped me for a skanky cocktail waitress.”
InvisibleGaijin has obtained a voicemail message left by Woods on Ponyo’s mobile phone.
“Ponyo? Hey, it’s Tiger. I need you to do me a huge favor. Can you please take your name off your keitai? My wife went through my keitai and may be calling you. So if you can, please take your name off that. Just have it as a number on the voicemail. You got to do this for me. Huge. Quickly. Ja-ne, Bye-Bye.”
Accenture, one of Woods’ largest endorsement contracts, launched a new print advertisement to capitalize on the publicity.
Asked for comment, Kodomo Tencho merely smiled and said, “Everyone should be gay, as in light-hearted and carefree!”
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In other news, Tiger Woods has changed his legal first name from “Eldrick” to “El Dick” to more accurately reflect his true passion in life.
Posted via email from invisiblegaijin
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