On the Shanghai Metro, Wang Xiaodidi is reminded his sister Shangnu never ever shared her chips with him.
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PYONGYANG, North Korea (IG News) — Kim Jong-Eun ordered the execution of Jag-Eun Eumgyeong, North Korea’s top military commander, according to anonymous sources.
“The debate whether ‘size matters’ all started out in good fun,” said a high-level government official, who requested anonymity to avoid being turned into kimchee, “but the Supreme Leader was not amused by the general’s assertion.”
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In other news, Keanu Reeves’ upcoming film “47 Ronin” now titled “46 Ronin and a Gaijin.”
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SHANGHAI (IG News) — A genitally-challenged bear’s coming out of the closet may have opened a path for China and Japan to resolve a territorial dispute.
“People are often surprised that I’m of average height,” Teenie Weenie Bear explained, “People just forget that, without a hyphen, Teenie modifies Weenie.”
“This is who I am and I’m proud of it,” said Teenie Weenie Bear, “My friend Ginormous Weenie Bear can’t fit into this fabulous AKB-48 tartan check skirt! Now that’s a tragedy.”
The impact of Teenie Weenie Bear’s coming out has created hope for a peaceful resolution to the territorial dispute between China and Japan.
Hu “Me?” Jintao, president of China, and Shinzo “Honest” Abe, prime minister of Japan, declared in a joint communique, “Our nations may disagree over the Sanrio Islands but we agree our Weenies are Teenie.”
US president Barrack Obama welcomed the news, stating “While we take no position on the territorial dispute, we stand united with China and Japan in having Teenie Weenies.”
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In other news, Chinese football fans missed Superbowl Sunday because in China it was Monday.
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On the Shanghai Metro, Wang Xiaodidi accepts that the bloom of her youth has faded but, thank Mao, she still has her hair.
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In other news, the world ends, Mayan gods take rifles from millions of Americans’ cold, dead hands.
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