TOKYO (IG News) — Millions of Japanese mourned the loss of the woman’s figure skating gold medal to that bitch Kim Yu-na of South Korea.
“Today, February 26th, a day that shall live in infamy,” said Prime Minister Yukio “Bird” Hatoyama before breaking down in tears, “I can’t believe Mao-chan lost to that bitch Kim Yu-na.”
Rioting broke out in front of the Republic of Korea embassy in Tokyo, as self-proclaimed “Mao-ists” clashed with Kim Yu-na supporters known as “Yu-na Sandwiches.”
“Mao-chan was robbed!” shouted Ninnikukusai Orewa, head of the Japan Federation of Old Farts, “Mao-chan nailed the triple axel, whatever that is, and is much more kawaii than that bitch Kim Yu-na.”
“In the spirit of the Olympic movement, what is important to remember is both athletes gave their best,” said South Korean President Lee “Yukke” Myung-Bak, “the Korean people’s joy has nothing to do with revenge for Japan’s oppressive colonization of Korea and cultural genocide of 1910-1945. Yeah, right. Who’s your daddy now?! Bwah-hah-ha!”
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In other news, Japanese Defense Minister Utsuzo Teppo denied rumors that Japan was planning to invade the disputed Takeshima islands early Saturday morning when the entire Korean nation will be waking up with the
엄마 of hangovers.