Hatoyama

Japanese Exorcise Demons with Magical Beans

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Millions of oni demons were ousted from their homes by magic soybeans today as humans invoked mame-maki rituals to celebrate the spring Setsubun across Japan.

“Demons out, good fortune in!” shouted Japanese prime minister Yukio “Bird” Hatoyama, “DPJ in, LDP out. You’re just jealous my mommy gives me a humongous allowance as political donations! Ha-ha!”

“You lie! My mommy gives me a bigger allowance than yours!” snapped LDP leader Sadakazu “Someone give me a nickname, please” Tanigaki, “Your mother has a protruding belly button!”

“I don’t believe that non-humans should be allowed to vote,” said former prime minister Taro “Dick” Aso, “once a gaijin, always a soy bean, I always say. Can I read my manga now, mommy?”

“Today, it’s magic beans used against demons. What’s next?” demanded Kowaizo Onioppai, spokesperson for the Japan Federation of Red and Blue Demons, “Predator drones firing salt-tipped cruise missiles at ghosts haunting your keitai cellphone?”

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In other news, Yokozuna Asashoryu testified, “I wasn’t drunk. I was practicing throwing Setsubun soy beans when one hit my ex-manager in the face, breaking his nose. So sorry, neh?”

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Tagged as: Hatoyama, humor, miyuki hatoyama, politics, satire

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US President Obama meets Japanese Prime Minister Hatoyama

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US President Barack Obama meets Japan Prime Minister Yukio “The Bird” Hatoyama at The @invisiblegaijin Official Residence in Tokyo, Japan for discussions regarding the Japan-US Security Treaty, the relocation of Futenma Air Station, and whether Michael Jackson peaked creatively at “Off the Wall” or “Thiller.”
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In other news, Spiderman was arrested yesterday in Hollywood, California. http://bit.ly/hGwEW

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Tagged as: Hatoyama, humor, obama, politicians, politics, satire

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Japan’s Prime Minister Appears on Letterman Show

World Economic Forum Japan Meeting 2009

Japan’s Prime Minister Yukio “The Bird” Hatoyama made a surprise appearance on the Late Show with David Letterman on Tuesday in New York.

“Boy! Your hair is really wacky. Yuk-Yuk!,” snorkled Letterman, “how do you respond to accusations you took contributions from dead people?”

“First of all, I think it’s really important to realize my hair was unruly before the elections,” said Hatoyama, “and let’s not forget that dead people have a significantly lower carbon footprint than the living.”

“You’ve got the 2nd highest approval rating of any Japanese prime minister since Koizumi,” chorkled Letterman, “are you sure wacky hair doesn’t have something to do with it?”

“I’m just here to see the heart-shaped potato,” Hatoyama commented, “I’ve already seen heart-shaped daikon back home but eating giant white Japanese radish always gives me gas.”

“And, by the way, Dave,” deadpanned Hatoyama, “Congratulations on your big Emmy win.”

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In other news, Megan Fox in her latest film, “Jennifer’s Body,” proves she needs very large mechanical beings, fast cars, and big explosions to distract from her lack of acting talent.

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Japan Scandal: Hatoyama Love Triangle!

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Yukio “The Bird” Hatoyama, leader of the Democratic Party of Japan, which swept to a landslide victory in today’s elections in Japan, has been implicated in a love triangle with an internet meme known only as “Crasher Squirrel.”

Sources close to the DPJ leader confirm the existence of photographs dating back decades that show Hatoyama, his wife, and an unidentified member of genera Sciurus Photointerruptus.

Taro “Dick” Aso, the soon-to-be-demonized-as-a-loser leader of the former ruling Liberal Democrat Party, commented, “hell, now I’ve got time to read all those manga I’ve been missing,” somewhat incongruously since the question was about the frequency of his erections.

Cute-but-dumber-than-all-hell TV announcer, Perky Oppai, commented, “Kawaii! Hatoyama-san looks like constipated Hello Kitty!”

McDonalds Japan spokes-gaijin, Mr. James, gushed, 「ハトヤマサンビッグマックミタイニスゴイネ！」。

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In other news, ignorantly stupid Americans shout down their mothers at town hall meeting about health care reform.

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Tagged as: crasher squirrel, DPJ, election, Hatoyama, humor, mac, politicians, satire

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