(Photo Credit: Korean Central News Agency)
PYONGYANG, North Korea (IG News) — The Democratic People’s Republic of Korea called upon the people of North Korea to “give up their thumbs for Supreme Leader Lil’ Kim Jong Un.”
“To be thumbless is glorious,“ said Pabo Ya, supreme general spokesperson of the Korean People’s Malnutrition Corps, “only wicked foreigners need opposable digits.”
“I’d give up anything to be a human bulwark or human shield,” gushed Juleum Popi, captain of the synchronized starvation club at the Kim Song-Il School for Young Revolutionaries, “then play in the Socialist Fairyland!”
“I support Lil’ Kim all the way,” said former United States Senator Richard John “Rick” Santorum, “the North Koreans really know how to prevent thumb-on-thumb sex.”
“Supreme Leader? I don’t think so, that would be me,” commented singer Diana Ross, “Set me free, why don’t you babe?”
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In other news, Lil’ Kim Jong Un announced his 2012 new year resolutions: (1) lose weight, (2) trade nukes for food, and (3) guest star on Glee.
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(Photo Credit: Mainichi)
TACHI-SHOMBEN, Japan (IG News) — Millions of children squealed with delight as the Japanese pool-peeing season kicked off today across the nation.
“Ah, kimochiii!,” exclaimed elementary school student Oshikko Daisuki, “Ain’t nothing like the first pee of the season! I’ve been holding back for a week!”
The Japanese tradition of peeing in pools began in the Heian period (794 to 1185), as noted in Murasaki Shikibu’s classic novel, The Tale of Genji.
“Oh, Prince Genji, your honorable urination is redolent of wisteria blossoms wafting down from the heavens, and indeed its warmth is that of the early morning sun!”
Officials at TEPCO, operator of the containment-challenged Fukushima Daiichi Nuclear Power Plant, denied allegations that American-made robots were peeing in pools used to cool spent fuel rods.
“Categorically untrue,” said TEPCO spokesperson Perky Oppai, “we have elderly volunteers who do that.”
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In other news, former China president Jiang Zemin announced today, “Reports of my death are greatly exaggerated with Chinese characteristics.”
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May 30, 2011
XI’AN, China (IG Fashion News) — The hottest fashion trend this summer in China is big white bloomers visible beneath a pink gingham sundress, complemented by pink Converse All-Stars. “This look captures the innocence and awkwardness of youth,” proclaimed Niubi NiuB, head designer of Xi’an Tang, “and combined with a knock-kneed walk, this look is [...]
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March 23, 2011
Related Posts:In Which IG Meets a Mysterious Maid who “Tastes Like Fresh Milk”In which InvisibleGaijin proves Mao’s maxim “Laughter grows out of the barrel of a machine gun.”US Loses Patience with Japan Over Military BaseOscar-Winning Filmmakers of “The Cove” Target Japanese Cruelty to Rabbits and TurtlesThe Guilty Parties Outrageous of El Rocker!
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