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Tagged as: Only in Japan!, Salaryman
Salaryman
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TOKYO (IG News) — Rolling up the pants legs of one’s suit is the current hot trend among Salaryman Fashionistas on Tokyo’s subways. # # #
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(Tokyo, Japan) Crasher Squirrel confirmed in a press conference today the claim of Miyuki Hatoyama, wife of presumptive Japan Prime Minister, Yukio “the Bird” Hatoyama, that she had ridden a UFO to Venus.
Crasher Squirrel said, “the UFO was bright and shiny, but the seats were a little small for my big gaijin squirrel ass. And the Venusians smelled like natto.”
When questioned about his alleged involvement in a love triangle with the First Couple of Japan, Crasher Squirrel commented, “hey, man, it was the 60s, the summer of love, you know, free love.”
National Police Agency spokesman, Omaru Omawari, said in a statement faxed to the press, “we have solid information that the UFO was purchased from a gaijin, so we are now piss-testing all gaijin in Roppongi for Venusian genetics.”
McDonalds Japan spokes-gaijin, Mr. James, blurted deliriously, 「トンデイルビッグマックミタイネ！スゴイネ！」。
In other news, Noripi’s husband confessed, “yes, yes, yes, I scream, you scream, we all scream for ice cream!”
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Japanese media has been fanning the flames of panic in its breathless, melodramatic, musically-enhanced coverage of the “battle at the borders” against H1H1 Novel Influenza.
Since the first cases of H1N1 infections were detected in Japan, however, the number of people confirmed with H1N1 infection has skyrocketed, shattering the media-perpetuated myth that “it’s an overseas disease” and that somehow the disease could be “stopped at Japan’s borders.”
So, naturally, the administration of Prime Minister Taro “Dick” Aso launched an “important” public service announcement trying to calm the populace down.
Contradicting itself repeatedly, the PSAs basically tell the public, “the sky is falling!” but “don’t panic!”
* Don’t relax your guard against infection! If treated early, there’s nothing to fear!
* Don’t worry! Your government has stockpiled Tamiflu for 38 million people!
* If you become symptomatic with high fever and coughs, don’t go to a hospital! Call the H1N1 Fever Hotline in your neighborhood first!
Let’s hope that those suffering from ostracism, the “blame game” (and H1N1 influenza) recover quickly.
Let’s be angry at cynical TV networks that will clearly do anything, including inducing a panic, to increase their pitiful ratings. Bastards.
Let’s laugh at stupid politicians who try to “look presidential” but end up looking dorky and making things worse.
For those with a sense of humor, here’s a link to the PSA, with English subtitles added for better comprehension.
