BAKABAKASHII, Japan (IG News) – Japan stunned the world today by conducting joint exercises with Godzilla near the disputed Sanrio island chain, known popularly as “Hello Kitty” in Japan and “Nihao Xiao Mao” in China.
“These islands belong to the world and must be used for the benefit of all people,” said the king of the kaiju, “Can we all get along? Or shall I go crazy on your ass?”
US intelligence officials denied allegations they failed to predict the appearance of the Japanese monster, “Categorically untrue. At the time, we were off-duty, drunk, and attempting rape.”
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In other news, North Korea denied its new satellite carries Kim Jong Eun’s secret stash of Twinkies.
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TOKYO (IG News) — Tokyo governor Shintaro “Tic-Tic-Tic” Ishihara announced a new Olympic event for the visually challenged, opening the city’s bid for the 2020 Summer Games.
“Shuffle, shuffle, wham!,” chortled Ishihara, “man, that’s funnier than the joke about a blind guy feeling elephant testicles and thinking, ‘ah, Yubari melons!’”
Recent polls show that 8.4% of Tokyoites agree another half billion dollar Olympic bid “can’t hurt,” 12.2% believe “eating seaweed cures baldness,“ and 79.4% responded, “Ishihara? Isn’t he dead?”
Other proposed events include “Upskirt Photography,” “Pin the Tail on AKB48,” and “4 x 100m Washlet™ Relay.”
Tokyo housewife Perky Oppai commented, “There are none so blind as those who can not pee without a catheter.”
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In other news, “cool biz” re-named “sweat-like-a-sumo-in-a-sauna biz.”
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(Photo credit: Mainichi)
KYOTO, Japan (IG News) — Chahan Omori, chief priest of Yogoremizu Temple in Kyoto’s Higashi-Sonomamayama Ward, writes the kanji character for “bakayaro” (“TEPCO bites the big one”), which was chosen as the kanji character of the year, during an annual ceremony at the temple on Dec. 12.
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In other news, @TEPCO_CEO denies rumors that dangerous levels of rice have been discovered in TEPCO cesium.
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June 26, 2011
(Photo Credit: LIFE) Tweet Related Posts:Genitally-Challenged Bear Unites China and Japan New Political Party in Japan: “Get It Up, Japan!”Tiger Woods Pitches Japanese Sex Drink: “Is it on you?”2009′s kanji 新 (shin) or “new” + Hatoyama’s 絆 (kizuna) or “relationship” =「新絆」or “new relationships” as in Tiger Woods.Japan Proposes New Olympic Event for Visually-Challenged
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June 25, 2011
(Photo Credit: Mainichi) OMOSHIROKUNEI, Japan (IG News) — Scientists are unable to explain the psychic abilities of Bibi, a beagle living in a rural area of Japan, who predicted “multiple core meltdowns, corporate coverups, and incompetent emergency response” a month before the Fukushima nuclear event. “Prime Minister Naoto Kan’s cabinet will not last another 90 [...]
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March 6, 2011
TOKYO (IG News) — Japanese government officials announced today that electromagnetic radiation from the newly opened Tokyo Sky Tree causes Japanese children to mutate into intolerably cute mascots. “The Japanese people love ‘cute’ and will forgive this egregious waste of taxpayer monies,” scoffed Tokyo Governor Chintaro “Twitchy” Ishipara, “only third-country people will be disappointed the [...]
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February 2, 2011
Tweet Related Posts:Genitally-Challenged Bear Unites China and Japan Japan Proposes New Olympic Event for Visually-Challenged Pool-Peeing Season Starts in JapanWinners: Biggest Boobs in Japan 2011Psychic Dog in Japan Baffles Scientists
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February 2, 2011
Tweet Related Posts:Genitally-Challenged Bear Unites China and Japan Japan Proposes New Olympic Event for Visually-Challenged Pool-Peeing Season Starts in JapanWinners: Biggest Boobs in Japan 2011Doraemon Confesses “I Tweeted My Ear Bulges”
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January 23, 2011
BEIJING (IG News) – Japan deployed today a new class of stealth anti-fishing-boat fishing boats to counter growing threats to the nation’s maritime security. “This new class of stealthy fishing boats has the radar cross-section of shirako,” commented Ting Budong, senior analcyst at the Sino-Institute of Stealthy Stuff, “and radar-reflective white face paint makes the [...]
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Tokyo.JapanTimes
